


The Thinnest Hint of Peace

by capncosmo



Category: Tokusou Sentai Dekaranger | Special Police Dekaranger
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-04-16
Updated: 2007-04-16
Packaged: 2017-10-28 16:11:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/309667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/capncosmo/pseuds/capncosmo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not thinking is the only way he can make it past this.  It's also impossible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Thinnest Hint of Peace

**Author's Note:**

  * For [etapa](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=etapa).



> This is for etapa @ LJ, who is hard at work on her manifesto and needed some more fic. Also, I just like her :P I think maybe it reads a little weirdly, but you can blame that on all the post-apocolyptic SG1 fic I've been reading.
> 
> Spoilers for "Wild Heart, Cool Brain"

Hoji _tries_ not to think. He wants to sleep, or work, or at least have some momentary illusion of peace, but it's not working. He just can't shut off his mind, and thoughts keep swirling around, mostly reminding him of how it should have been him, how he shouldn't have been caught, how he _failed_.

It's almost more frustrating that he can't stop the images from coming back up. At least if a great detective was out of the field because of him, he should have _learned something_. He should be better now, he _needs_ to be better now, but everything he does feel inadequate, and he knows he'll never be anywhere near as good as Gyoku Ryo was. It wasn't an equitable trade, in fact it was stupid, and he wished more than anything he could change it. Most of the time.

But then he would see Jasmine. Jasmine, who was talented and logical and methodical (and beautiful), who was everything Gyoku Ryo had seen in her and more. Jasmine, who's heart was her most important asset but also her most fragile. Jasmine, who he trusted so deeply even after only the short time they had been working together. And when he looked at her, he thought her star would rise high enough that the trade would be equitable.

But that just makes him feel more guilty, and he doesn't know why. He thinks it's because he wishes he could trade himself, because Gyoku and Jasmine together would have such a bright future. But then there's a horrible choking feeling he hasn't been able to identify yet, and he cuts that line of thought off in favor of a replay of his failures.

So in the end, Hoji can't come to terms with it. Something unknown, unfamiliar lies tied up in the whole mess, and he just can't have that sort of thing. He's super cool, he can't be anything less and live with himself. So he buries it and tries, tries, _tries_ not to think.

It's a long time before he can find the thinnest hint of peace.


End file.
